Sex can be fun, liberating and utterly wonderful, but not always. Sometimes it feels like something is missing after sex. Sometimes we think that it shouldn’t have happened or should have been different. Sex means different things to different people. Above all, it is a healthy and natural activity. It is something most people enjoy and find meaningful even if they create meaning in different ways.
Whether you are straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer or questioning, you have the right to decide what sex means to you. Are you unsure about your sexual interests? Are you curious about what you might enjoy? Are you wondering if you are ready for sex? These kinds of questions are perfectly normal! Sex is not just vaginal intercourse. Sex is pretty much anything that feels sexual. How YOU choose to define sex might be a moving target during your teen years. Your sexual interests may change over time, and that’s okay too.
Dealing with the guilt about sex
1) Explore your beliefs
Why do you believe what you believe? If you can’t answer this question then it’s time to analyze why it is that you have these beliefs in the first place. Most of the time this can be attributed to social conditioning from childhood, the media, or traditions. We tend to absorb a lot of information and most of it never get’s scrutinized. This results in a lot of contradictory beliefs not grounded in reality. If your point of view is not based on facts and/or does not benefit you, consider making a change.
2) Work through your negative feelings
Now that you’ve identified beliefs which don’t make sense it’s time to figure out what you actually would like your lifestyle to be like. Start by exposing your self to contrary opinions from the one which you have always held and rooting out all possible outcomes. Write down what you have missed out on because of these beliefs and then write down what you would like to experience.
3) Explore sexual options
Now that you have explored your thoughts and disemboweled your social confinement, it’s time to try a little sexual liberation. It may not be easy for many people as it’s likely that the old conditioning will still cause a gut reaction. Take it easy and move slowly towards your new found lifestyle goals. The point isn’t to sleep with as many people as possible, but to be truly free from old conditioning when you want to have the experience. The difference is being able to make a decision for yourself instead of having to follow rules which don’t make sense, and feeling guilty if you don’t.
No matter what, sex is a deeply personal choice. How we use our bodies shouldn’t be taken lightly. However a little less of the shame might make life a more enjoyable adventure to be shared. Before judging anyone else for their sexual choices look more closely at why you feel that way in the first place.