Foreplay has a reputation as a warm up or lead in to sex, the appetizer to the main course—which is intercourse. But maybe it’s time we stop thinking about it in such an old-school way. After all, only 30% of women can reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina penetration alone. It’s the moves we typically think of as foreplay—clitoral stroking, deep kissing, and oral sex that bring most women to the heights of pleasure.
With this in mind, we want to encourage women (and their partners!) to take foreplay way beyond a kiss here and a touch there. To inspire you, we asked real women who consider themselves major foreplay fans to tell us the specific move that always fires their desire and serves as the main event itself. Here’s what they revealed.
When you’re beginning foreplay, one fun suggestion is to keep it going for as long as you can. Here are some ideas to get you started.
Acts that can be done during foreplay
Put your tongue to good use! When you’re kissing your partner, open your mouth and touch tongues to begin French kissing. You can try different techniques and movements — whatever feels good to you and your partner.
Foot massage, back massage, neck massage: whichever you prefer, a massage can really get you in the mood. Try incorporating massage oils or a massage candle to add some slickness. After getting out the knots, you can let your hands stray just a little…
Nipples can be really sensitive — not to mention fun to play with. You can touch, pinch, lick, suck, or gently bite your partner’s nipples (just ask if they’re into biting before you chomp down). Some people can even have a “nipplegasm” from nipple stimulation alone. For the BDSM-inclined, you can also break out the nipple clamps.
Telling your partner how much you want them can heighten both your arousal. Dirty talk can be as simple as “You make me so turned on” or “That feels so good,” or it can be as complicated as spelling out, step-by-step, exactly what you want to do to them.
It is seen as a thing for teens, but it’s not. Rub your clothed genitals against your partner’s leg, knee, genitals, or anywhere else that feels good. For people with clitorises, this indirect stimulation can be a huge turn-on that can lead to orgasms, and it can feel amazing for people with penises, too.
Like manual stimulation, oral sex is a form of sex — and it can also be used as a form of foreplay before another sex act. However you see oral, use your tongue to tease your partner’s clit, penis head, or anus, and for more fun, get your hands involved, too.
Incorporate some kink into your foreplay, such as spanking, tying your partner up (or asking your partner to tie you up), or using a blindfold — prolong the anticipation so that sex is even better when you begin.
Other foreplay acts
- Hand jobs
- Oral sex: cunnilingus
- Oral sex: blow jobs
It’s important to bring forth an understanding of the physical and emotional pieces at play when your body and mind are turning on for some loving. Combining the two will allow you the opportunity to enhance your pleasure potential, cultivate longevity in your intimacy and call your attention to the fact that ladies, just like men, get ‘hard’ too.
Why do foreplay?
When a woman becomes turned on, the blood rushes to the cells of her erectile tissue, which grows and expands the inner and outer appearance of her lady landscape. Her clitoris, which extends with roots up to four inches in length, becomes erect. The labia minora grow 2-3 times in size. The urethral sponge (as commonly known as her G-spot) and perineal sponge balloons and grows. As the G-spot balloons, it protrudes, which allows for greater stimulation on penetration. Engorgement is the erotic name given to the physical process of expansion in a women’s sex centre. Witnessing engorgement is similar to watching a hibiscus flower bloom. In heterosexual sex, we wait for a man to become erect before he enters inside a woman’s body. The same treatment should be given to a woman too.
Experts in the field refer to penetration before adequate stimulation has occurred as ‘premature intercourse’. Not only is ‘premature intercourse’ intrusive to a unready vagina, it is quite obviously linked to the reason why two in three women fail to climax during each of their sexual encounters.
A state of sensitivity arises when one drops away from the mind and comes into the body. We live in a society which requires our mind to be switched on, always. Whether we are scheduling our work diary, focused on a deadline or sprinting towards a health goal at the gym, we allow our mind to be the conductor. This creates disassociation from our body which decreases our ability to feel. Feeling is a key factor to accessing pleasure.
Many women simply find it impossible to orgasm, which is almost never to do with a physical inability but is actually linked to a lack of time and space to let the mind go, to fully relax, and to release. The greater our ability to embody the body, the deeper and more profound our pleasure will become.
Foreplay is not just about adopting some new sexy tricks before penetration. You could have the most skilled lover ever, yet if you aren’t giving yourself the permission to let go, honey, buckle up for some mediocre bonks.
Based on the above, are you willing to take more time for foreplay? Here’s a simple reflection exercise. Take a journal, a pen and a curious mind, then ask yourself…
- How long do I spend on foreplay with lovers?
- How long do I spend on foreplay through self pleasure?
- Do I feel pleasure through penetration? Rate this from 1-10.
- Where does my mind go during sex? Am I present in the interaction? Or focused elsewhere and easily distracted?
- Have you watched the process of engorgement occurring in your own body? Are you willing to give it a try…?