Men and women are basically entirely different species. A girl may say she hangs with the guys more than her girlfriends or a guy may in fact be more sensitive than the average, however, they are still from completely different and separate planets. One of the biggest relationship deal-breakers is cheating. Whether it was a onetime fling or a long-term relationship, many persons find it very difficult to forgive, and nearly impossible to forget an act of infidelity. So who in a relationship is more selfish, the girl or the guy?
If you have not read it, you have probably heard of John Gray’s popular book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. The book focuses on improving relationships between men and women understanding the communication style and emotional needs of each gender because yes, they are very different. Many relationships can be described as toxic these days as a result of undesirable attitudes or behaviours. This is because one or both partners feel stressed and want out.
By definition, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner or partners that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. While a healthy relationship contributes to our self-esteem and emotional energy, a toxic relationship damages self-esteem and drains energy. A healthy relationship involves mutual caring, respect, and compassion, an interest in our partner’s welfare and growth, and the ability to share control and decision-making, in short, a shared desire for each other’s happiness. A healthy relationship is a safe relationship, a relationship where we can be ourselves without fear, a place where we feel comfortable and secure. A toxic relationship, on the other hand, is not a safe place. A toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, control. We risk our very being by staying in such a relationship. To say a toxic relationship is dysfunctional is, at best, an understatement.
Keep in mind that it takes two individuals to have a toxic relationship. Initially, we’ll look at the behaviors of the toxic partner, but we must look equally hard at the individual who is the recipient of the toxic behavior. And we must ask, Why? Why does an adult stay in a relationship that will almost inevitably damage him or her emotionally and/or physically? And what, if anything can we do short of leaving that might help mend such a relationship? We’ll examine both these questions later. First, however, let’s examine toxic behaviors and relationships in more detail.
Undesirable behaviours in a relationship
- The “Bad Temper” Toxic Partner
- The Guilt-Inducer
- The Over reactor/Deflector
- The Over-Dependent Partner
- The “Independent” (Non-Dependable) Toxic Controller
- The User
- The Possessive (Paranoid) Toxic Controller
The above are not tied to gender, anyone in the relationship can be any of them. Also, there is no rule or fact stating which of the sexes is selfish in a relationship. The emphasis is on being the best version of yourself so that you can get the best of the other; positive energy attracts positive outcomes.
The root of all unattractiveness is neediness; the root of all attractiveness is non-neediness. But what exactly is neediness or selfishness? Neediness occurs when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself. Any time you alter your words or behavior to fit someone else’s needs rather than your own, that is needy. Any time you lie about your interests, hobbies, or background, that is needy. Any time you pursue a goal to impress others rather than fulfill yourself, that is needy.
How to deal with a selfish partner in a relationship
- Give Yourself The Attention You Were Giving Them
- Speak up about how you feel about their attitude
- Tell them about the benefits of changing
- Understand why they are acting the way they do
- Take turns to show favours and listen and speak when conversing
- Don’t loose sense of your worth, don’t forget what your interests
- Call past successes back to mind
- Be honest with yourself about what you can deal with
- Take breaks from the relationship and explain why
- Point out, very clearly, when you need them
- Decide If You Should Keep Them or you want to break it off with them.
No matter how much you love someone, sometimes that’s not enough for them to pause and consider your feelings in a given situation. Whether they do it intentionally or by accident, sometimes you’re going to have to deal with a selfish partner. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re selfish all the time, chances are your partner does thoughtful and caring things throughout the week that you really appreciate, but slips up now and then when it comes to looking out for your needs. Whether that’s always expecting you to cook dinner when they’re working late or zoning out when you’re complaining about work, chances are there are a couple of selfish tendencies you’d like to get rid of.