Sex Education

BDSM

 

BDSM is an umbrella term that describes certain sexual acts or forms of sex. It stands for bondage, dominance, and submission/sadomasochism. The practice usually involves partners taking on specific roles in which one partner is dominant and the other is submissive and may involve such things as role-playing specific scenes or pain play. While this practice may seem odd, it may surprise you to know that different researches have shown that it is a common fantasy for many sexually active persons.

Types of BDSM

 

As have been said before, BDSM is a group of sexual acts. Some of them are:

 

  • Impact play/spanking
  • Role play
  • Humiliation play
  • Bondage
  • Dominance/submission
  • Wax play
  • Sadism/masochism/pain play
  • Sensation play/edge play

 

BDSM practices may involve the use of pain and humiliation or role-playing scenarios characterized by dominance and submission. One partner plays the dominant role and the other, the submissive role. At the same time, it also requires the use of safety precautions in the process of deriving sexual pleasure. Integral aspects of BDSM include

  • Pre-sex negotiations
  • Disclosure
  • Consent
  • Safe words

 

A safe word is a predetermined word that a person can use when they reach a point that they need to stop. BDSM is not about exceeding your limit, but pushing your limit while fulfilling your sexual fantasies.

BDSM for beginners

Practicing BDSM begins with having some important facts. These include safety precautions, communication and consent, and the understanding the concepts of being submissive and dominant. There are a number of “light” BDSM practices that you can start with:

  • Hair pulling
  • Blindfolds
  • Light spanking
  • Scarf or tie bondage
  • Roleplaying

 

For more intense forms of erotic play, many experts suggest taking a class, reading a book, or watching instructional videos. Some practices can be dangerous and lead to injury without taking proper precautions. BDSM activities need to be carefully pre-negotiated so that each party understands what will happen.

BDSM, consent and safe words

Informed consent by two individuals is known as SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) or RACK (Risk-aware Consensual Kink). It can be a word unrelated to sex, such as ‘pineapple’ for example, just as long as you both agree that your chosen safety word means everything must stop until the situation has been resolved.

Traffic light system

The traffic light system is the most common and easily used safe word system. Each colour is used to communicate how you’re feeling and what you want.

Red: means stop. Saying this will mean you want your partner to stop everything they’re doing immediately. It should be used when you’re not comfortable, things are getting too much, or you no longer consent.

Yellow (or amber): means slow down. Maybe you liked what they were doing but then it became a little too much. Yellow is basically saying “reel it in a little bit”. It can also mean you’re reaching your limit, or are edging on physical discomfort.

Green: means go for it. Use green if you like what your partner’s doing, you feel totally comfortable, and you want them to continue. To have fun and experience pleasure, it’s best to be relaxed, and always be respectful to your partner.

BDSM is rooted in pleasure.

In a healthy BDSM relationship, all partners aim to please each other, and the Submissive sets their own boundaries. “Physical abuse is an impact that is unwanted and nonconsensual, not just painful,” Jean says. The basis of a Sub-Dom relationship is fulfilling your partner’s needs, providing them pleasure, and constantly communicating to ensure you’re doing both well. It’s yet another reason why aftercare can be so critical. Not only is it imperative that all partners feel safe and cared for, but everyone must also have a deep understanding of the other’s boundaries, comfort levels, and sexual interests.

Dominance and submission are about trust.

Contrary to popular belief, the Submissive is never truly out of control. BDSM is all about placing your trust in another person. Submissive often take on the role of surrendering control to their Dominant. That said, in a healthy BDSM relationship, Subs will ultimately decide when to start and stop. Carefully selected mechanisms, like safe words, provide the Submissive with control and agency.

Consent is crucial.

One of the greatest challenges the BDSM community continues to face is misrepresentation in films and on television. While BDSM is largely associated with whips, chains, and leather ensembles, there are plenty of ways to ease into kink. Additionally, BDSM is about pushing your limits, not passing them. In all forms of sexual activity, your comfort, consent, and pleasure are crucial. As always, active consent is the key ingredient in participating in any type of sexual activity. Before getting down to it, openly discuss boundaries and intentions with your partner(s). Whether you’re considering exploring kink, dipping a toe into the world of BDSM for the first time, or have a go-to safe word, entering the arena of pain and pleasure can be both sexy and healthy. As long as all partners are on the same page, and willing and able to provide their active consent, there’s nothing wrong with experimenting as a Sub or a Dom.

Conclusion

The world of BDSM has its own distinct subcultures and terminology. It can be intimidating for beginners, but there are some tips and tricks that may help you explore.

  • Remember that communication is critical. Before you even begin, you need to talk about your interests and boundaries. If you are engaging in something as part of a BDSM scene, it needs to be something that each partner has talked about beforehand.
  • Start slowly. Light BDSM practices are a good starting point for figuring out what you like and what you are comfortable with. Role-playing sexy scenes or engaging in dirty talk, for example, can help you explore your fantasies.
  • Set the scene. Engage all of your scenes. Mood lighting, scented candles, soft music, and erotic clothing can all help create the right mood for your BDSM play.
  • Have a safeword and don’t be afraid to use it. BDSM should be fun for everyone involved—so if something isn’t working for you or is too much for you to handle, there’s no shame in saying so and trying something else.

 

Sources:

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a44875/bdsm-bondage-beginner-information/

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/what-is-bdsm-a-sex-expert-reveals-exactly-what-it-means-8068256

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-health-benefits-of-bdsm-2979720

 

 

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