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Cunnilingus      

 

Cunnilingus also known as oral sex, licking someone out, eating someone out, going down on someone, and giving head is the fancy, official term used to describe when someone uses their mouth to stimulate someone else’s vulva or vagina.

While many women and vulva-having people love cunnilingus because it focuses heavily on stimulating the clitoris and therefore is more likely to make them orgasm (between 70-80 per cent of women need clitoral stimulation to climax), many also feel self-conscious about receiving it.

Here’s an expert guide to cunnilingus, including a step-by-step guide on how to give (and receive) oral pleasure, plus the all-important STI and sexual health risks associated with the sex act:

How to perform cunnilingus

  1. Start slowly

Most people enjoying cunnilingus won’t want to go from zero to oral sex in 30 seconds. Take your time and ease into it. Do other things you know they love. Use your hands and mouth all over the body, which will nicely foreshadow what is to come. When the recipient is good and excited, head south.

  1. Get the lay of the land

Most of the attention with cunnilingus is on the clitoris, but every woman is different and there may be other parts of her that will take oral sex from the everyday to the out of this world.

  1. Flatten your tongue

Remember many people have sensitive clitorises, so don’t go too heavy on it at the start. Flatten your tongue and use wide slow strokes to explore their inner and outer lips, vagina, and clitoris. Imagine licking an ice cream cone. Start at the perineum and lick up and around the clit and back down the other side.

  1. Experiment with different strokes

In general, it’s said women and vulva-having people tend to like firm pressure and repetitive motions. Quick tongue flicks against the clitoris can actually be irritating, which is the kind of furious cunnilingus we often see in pornography. If you’re not sure, ask your partner to give feedback while you try different kinds of strokes circular, side-to-side, up-and-down. Don’t take it personally if they flinch discovering what pleases is often a process of trial and error.

  1. Let your partner guide you

If you’ve ever seen your partner masturbate, you’ll have some idea how they like their clitoris to be touched. Ask them to show you now, or you can offer them your hand and ask them to demonstrate the kind of stroking they prefer by placing their hand on top of yours.

  1. Add penetration (if they so desire)

Remember penetration is always optional, and you should always get consent before penetrating your partner with your fingers or a sex toy. If they’ve given you the all-clear, when they’re good and excited, add some lubricant to your fingers or toy and gently insert it into their vagina. Move them in and out using short but firm strokes. Put your mouth back on their clitoris and lick while you penetrate your partner. This won’t do it for everyone, but many people love the experience of clitoral stimulation and penetration.

  1. Keep a steady pace

As steady stimulation seems to do the trick, don’t stop unless you need to come up for air. You’ll see the signs when your partner is nearing orgasm—the moans, their thighs pressing against your head, their body arching, their hands tightening on your head. And they’ll usually let you know when to stop. If not, simply ask, ‘Do you want me to stop now?’

 

Are you worried about the way you smell?

If you’re worried about the taste or smell of your vulva and this is putting you off receiving cunnilingus, you needn’t be. But experts say that the smell of your vagina is the way genitals smell and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it. If you don’t enjoy cunnilingus for any reason, tell your partner.

Cunnilingus myths

If you don’t orgasm from oral, you have a defective vagina

Sex is supposed to help you escape from the pressures of everyday life, not add to them. Sure, some women who can’t orgasm from intercourse find that oral sex is their vaginas’ golden ticket. But even if you think oral is enjoyable, it might not work for you orgasm-wise, and that’s fine.

That’s not to say you should be satisfied with not getting off if orgasms are indeed your goal, but that you shouldn’t feel like something’s wrong with you if cunnilingus doesn’t immediately do the trick. It can take some time to workshop what exactly gets you there, and that should actually be fun.

You need to chug pineapple juice so you taste/smell better down there

First of all, there’s nothing that can make your vagina taste like a piece of fruit. Except, well, putting a piece of fruit in it, which is dangerous, so don’t do that. Second, you don’t need to alter how you smell or taste. Unless you have some sort of infection, whatever’s going on down there is completely normal.

Whoever is face-to-vagina with you is thinking, “Damn, what is UP with her labia, I liked the ones on the last woman I was with so much more.”

Unless you’re hooking up with a jackass, whoever you’re with is probably enjoying themselves too much to think anything remotely critical about how your parts look. (And in case you were wondering, your labia are probably normal.) Unfortunately, assholes do walk among us. If someone says something rude about the way your vagina looks, they don’t really deserve to experience its greatness.

You’re going to hurt your partner’s feelings if you tell them what you want

Constructive criticism is great! Sure, it might be a little embarrassing for them when you correct their technique. But they should promptly get over that upon realizing how hot it is that you know what you want and are able to describe it.

You should be so loud during oral that running into your neighbors becomes really awkward

Thank you, pornography, for spreading this falsehood. Cool if during good oral, you moan, scream, or get particularly inventive with your dirty talk at top volume. Also cool if you’re pretty silent as it happens because you’re concentrating on how good it feels, you’re just not very vocal during that kind of sex, or because every time you get really loud the person you’re with changes what they’re doing and chases away your orgasm.

You should be all about that direct clitoral stimulation

True, a lot of people need intense pressure on their clitorises to orgasm. But the clitoris has around 8,000 nerve endings, meaning that for some people, anything more than a feathery-light touch feels like someone’s trying to break their vagina. There’s no “one stimulation fits all” rule with oral, so don’t feel weird if you need someone to either barely touch your clitoris or go at it with the suctioning power of a Hoover.

The only thing that matters is their tongue

Humans have been blessed with entire faces and hands, not to mention the brains to figure out how to use them during oral. Plus, vibrators and dildos exist! If you’re frankly a little bored with tongue-only action, ask the person you’re with to change things up.

You don’t need to worry about STIs

Oral still counts as sex, and dental dams count as protection. Sexually transmitted infections can be passed along during all kinds of oral, so give yourself the peace of mind that comes with practicing safe sex.

 

Sources:

https://www.self.com/story/cunnilingus-myths-everyone-needs-to-stop-believing

https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/sex-life/a2300/cunnilingus/

 

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