Whether you use the technical term fellatio or call it a blowjob, going down, giving head, or something else, performing fellatio is an act that requires a lot of trust and a little bit of knowledge. We mostly think of fellatio as being one person licking or sucking a partner’s penis. Keep in mind that while most men have penises, not all do. And not everyone who has a penis always wants to or can use it for sexual pleasure.
Autofellatio is the act of being able to perform fellatio on oneself. The key ingredient in being able to autofellate is increased flexibility of the spine (and other joints). This helps allow the human frame the range-of-motions that are needed to perform this task. Women, too, can appreciate the same manner of self-based oral sex by a practice called autocunnilingus.
Understanding the best ways to neurological stimulate a penis is a priceless method in creating the highest degree of sexual pleasure during fellatio. It also allows men, through the vehicle of autofellation, the ability to explore degrees of sexual pleasure that are impossible to explore in any other manner. When a man truly understands, perceives, and comprehends exactly how he responds to different oral stimuli, and when he can replicate this stimulation on himself, it opens up a world of sexual pleasure that cannot be properly defined through mere words. Or, to put it another way, it has to personally be experienced before one can possibly understand it.
Here are some suggestions on how to go about it. First and foremost, the perfect blow job depends on communication between the two (or more) people involved. The receiver should feel free to openly (but respectfully) express what he does and doesn’t like, and to do so in a way that allows both of you to feel comfortable, not criticized. The most direct and efficient way to go about this is through talking.
To the giver: remember to protect your sweetie’s skin from your teeth. It’s a drag to have such sensitive skin raked by the hard edges of teeth. The giver also has the responsibility to ask questions. The easiest way, hands down (pardon the pun), to find out what your partner likes is to ask. No two partners are ever the same, and what you learned from your previous partner(s) may or may not apply to your current partner. Some direct but seductive statements such as, “do you like that?” or “here?” take all the guesswork out of it and guarantee a pleasurable time for all. This type of communication takes a level of comfort that you may not have, but it’s worth striving for.
Listen to your partner’s body language as well as his spoken language. Sighs and moans, little words whispered (or screamed) in ecstasy are all signs that you have hit a right spot or are using a great technique. Winces and “ouch”es or general looks of boredom might signal that you need to head to a different region or try something new.
Here are some techniques that you might want to try as a place to start. Disclaimer: remember that these are solely suggestions, and you should not be discouraged if these techniques don’t send him through the roof – every man is different.
Start off Nice and Clean
Social stigma seems to focus on the taste of women’s genitals more than men’s. In fact, men can smell and taste just as strong as women. If you’re new to fellatio, you might be worried about taste and smell. If so, suggest a sexy bath or shower together and start with a clean slate. While the artificial tastes may be no better (and can be much worse) some people like to use flavored lubricant or put on a flavored condom, which may not taste better but comes with the added benefit of making oral sex a bit safer.
Physical Comfort Is Key
You can’t have fun and perform well if you’re not physically comfortable, and fellatio can put a strain on your neck and jaw. Kneeling before your partner on a pillow, while he’s standing or sitting, gives you a good range of motion and plenty of access. If you’ve had bad experiences with fellatio where you felt lack of control, have him on his back and crouch in between his legs. Giving head can put you in a major power position if you like that feeling then go for it.
Tease With Touch
Using your hands first, gently caress his inner thighs, penis, scrotum, testicles, and perineum, paying attention to his reactions (verbal and facial) as you touch certain spots. Many men who have sensitivity in their penis are particularly sensitive around the head (known as the glans), especially the frenulum, an indentation between the glans and the shaft on the underside of the penis. You might want to brush up on your knowledge of male sexual anatomy, to know what you’re working with.
Give Him a Lick
Follow up with your tongue, exploring the same terrain using slow wide strokes with your tongue. Don’t be afraid to use lots of saliva, as this natural lube feels great and helps create friction and suction. There are many sexually transmitted infections that can be passed during fellatio, using flavored condoms is a great way to practice safer sex and deal with any taste you may not like. It is also one way to help guys who say they have difficulty with condoms get used to, and excited about, using them.
Take Him in Your Mouth
When he’s semi-erect, slowly guide your lips over the tip of his penis, making sure your lips cover your teeth as you slide gently down his shaft as far as you’re comfortable. Keep your mouth taut, as the pressure from your lips will feel great as they glide down the penis. Putting him in your mouth before he is fully erect is a good way of getting comfortable with the size of his penis, particularly if he is in the larger range.
Watch Your Gag Reflex
If you’re not adept at deep throat (taking the whole penis in your mouth), trying to do it without practicing first will likely trigger your gag reflex. It’s not necessary and a similar effect can be achieved with the hand and mouth technique described below. With practice, you can learn to relax your gag reflex and take in more of the penis.
Use Your Mouth and Tongue
As your head travels up the underside of the penis, flatten your tongue so it gives the frenulum a nice wide, wet stroke. Don’t be afraid to try different types of licks or kisses—the lips feel good when popped over the ridge of the penis—but perform each stroke repeatedly before changing to give consistent pleasure.
Have Fun with the Foreskin
If your partner is uncircumcised, insert your tongue into the foreskin and circle around the head with it. You can also use your fingers to gently massage the head through the foreskin, alternating with deep tongue licks.
Using Your Mouth and Hand, Tip #1
A great blowjob isn’t just about a mouth and a penis. Place one hand around the shaft of his penis while you move up and down on the top half of his penis. Try coordinating your movements so your hand and mouth are going up and down in unison. If your partner is thrusting, your hand will prevent his penis from being pushed too far into your mouth.
Using Your Mouth and Hand, Tip #2
If he likes this combination, bring your hand all the way up the shaft (following your mouth), remove your mouth briefly, use your palm to slide and twist over the head (as if you were juicing an orange), and then glide your hand back down followed by your mouth again. Repeat.
Let Him Come
When he’s ready to orgasm, keep your movements consistent and firm — don’t slack off. Once he starts ejaculating, see him through with a few strokes and then stop, as most men don’t want continued stimulation once they’ve ejaculated and had an orgasm.
To Swallow or Not to Swallow?
This decision is entirely up to you. Discuss this with him before the start of fellatio. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want to, but it’s nice to let your partner know it’s nothing personal. If you don’t want to swallow, and you aren’t familiar with the signs of imminent ejaculation, let him know you want a warning. Remove your mouth as he’s about to ejaculate, and continue hand stroking through his orgasm.
- Don’t forget the rest of his body. The scrotum and testicles (balls) are particularly sensitive, and most men like them to be stimulated. Try lightly licking or touching his testicles during oral sex. He might also like them to be cradled gently in one of your hands. Some men go wild when you place your hand around the top of the scrotum and gently tug down.
- You can also apply pressure to his perineum (the spot between his anus and his penis) with one or two fingers, as this also can feel good.
- He might like wearing a butt plug or other toy during fellatio for added prostate stimulation. Or you can apply pressure to his anus with one of your fingers.
Again, our advice is to ask him what he likes and if he’s not telling you, then experiment. Most of all, have fun!