Home / Sex Education / A case for flirting: sexual fantasies
Sex Education

A case for flirting: sexual fantasies


Flirting is the generic name we give to an incidence of sexual infidelity. Most couples would like to keep their partner to themselves but find that it is a mission that is nearly impossible. Well, there is love and there is heartbreak, the movement from a state of being in love to break up weighs heavily on the act: flirting. Think of the sex scandals of history down to the office flirting and high school boyfriend drama. It still boils down to flirting.

Breakups and Heartbreaks

Are you tired of being cheated upon, of heartbreaks or sleepless nights? Do you feel like the word ‘love’ is not reality or meant for books and belonged to times that have gone past? The rate of relationship breakups seems to be at an all-time high; marriages last not more than five years for some and aged couples are seeking divorce too. The reasons for breakups and divorce are not all about one partner cheating, many schools of thought have proposed many different reasons for this occurrence. Could it be that people want more, more sex, more sexual adventures?

It is possible that sex is the most advertised and sought after commodity in the world. The reason for this is not far-fetched. There are more people on the planet who have sex that there are not and that brings us to the issue of people daydreaming about what sexual experience that would like to experience. The average sexually active person would have expectations or hopes from a partner or someone that are romantically involved. A lot of times, these fantasies could be far-fetched but in the end, sexual fantasies are a real thing and shouldn’t be overlooked.

Sexual fantasies

For the most part, sexual fantasies can put some strain on individuals or relationships. Your partner or a person with whom you want to have sex might want some sexual acts performed on them. If what they are asking is not something they can offer, there is the urge to go to someone who can do it for them.

Others may decide to go along with fulfilling their partner’s fantasy whether they like it or not. you might say that this kind of attitude happens only in toxic relationships. alas, couples can place indirect pressure on themselves with one partner who has no interest in the other’s fantasies doing them just to keep the relationship.

Now, you will say that compromise is a part of relationships and I will answer, so is sacrifice. compromise and sacrifice should be put applied in careful amounts into the relationship, else, it might run aground. I am not kicking against having sexual fantasies. I just want to bring to light the pressure they may put on relationships and how they are contributing to breakups. Some sexual fantasies include

  • Role-playing: this fantasy could either be dressing up as a person of a different gender or dressing up as a movie character.
  • Voyeurism: (add link) this involves watching other people undress as a way to get sexually aroused.
  • Having multiple partners for sex: some persons fantasize about having threesomes or orgies. It might be some kind of pleasure they wish to explore.
  • Watching other people have sex: this is different from voyeurism because this fantasy is about getting aroused as other people have sex but not getting involved in it. This fantasy can be expressed in watching a couple have sex as a pornographic video or in person.
  • Having sex with someone of the same gender: sometimes, people have homoerotic fantasies leading to a fling. It might just be a hunch they
  • Oral sex: some persons fantasize about having someone give them fellatio or cunnilingus.
  • Playing the passive role during sex: this goes for men most times. Some of them fantasize about their partner (a man or a woman) being in charge during sex and being dominant too. This could also be expressed in BDSM where the man is the submissive.
  • Anal sex: a person may fantasize about being fucked or fucking another person in the anus. This may not mean that they are gay, it might just be a fantasy.
  • Having sex in a public place: this is called exhibitionism. It could be in a car, public bathroom even on the verandah of your home.
  • Having domination during sex: this is another fantasy prominent if BDSM. This time a man could want to be the dominant person, even inflict some measure of pain on his partner.

Turning down a fantasy

People have a right to be who they want or desire what they want to desire. The reasons for turning down a partner who desires a fantasy performed on them are numerous. They can be

  • Religious reasons: they may feel that some acts are extreme and not in line with their religious beliefs.
  • Non-interest: some persons do not find sexual adventures interesting. They just want to have sex the usual way.
  • Inexperience: others do not know about other ways of having sex and are afraid to try them.
  • Pregnancy: at some point in pregnancy, the woman might not want to engage in some sexual acts such as BDSM for fear of having bad effects on the child.
  • Health conditions: such as cancer or other life-threatening illnesses could dictate that a person desists from some or all forms of sexual activity.

Tips for approaching your partner with sexual fantasies

Establish consent 

The most important thing to establish when having sex with partners is consent. It shows a partner you respect them and their body, and a sexual act without consent is assault. Consent is explicit, non-coercive permission to engage in a certain act, in this case, one of a sexual nature. It can be revoked at any time. It is the most vital aspect of healthy sex.

Consent is not merely “no means no” but more of a “yes means yes.” It looks like:

  • Consistently checking in with a partner throughout a sexual experience
  • Asking explicitly if they like something before you do it
  • Discontinuing an act if they ask you to stop even if they agreed to it beforehand


Discuss boundaries

To have the safest possible experience, you must be transparent about what it is you want and don’t want. This can include:

  • Set an agreed-upon plan for how the sexual encounter might go, including what is off-limits
  • Establish a safe word to say when you begin to feel unnerved, so your partner knows when to stop,


The basis of these boundaries is consent, which can be relinquished at any time. It is important to get permission before trying anything new, or even if it’s something you do regularly.

Use proper protection 

To avoid transmitting any STIs, ensure you practice safe sex with a condom or other barrier. Other forms of birth control like an IUD or spermicide do not protect against STIs; inform your partner beforehand if you may be carrying one.

Treat your partner with respect 

Sex is intimate and should only be experienced somewhere and with someone with who you feel safe.  Understand vulnerability must be embraced when having sex, and do not say or do anything that may make your partner feel judged. Take it slow, especially when trying new things. Voice any concerns or thoughts you may have throughout.

The bottom line…

You have a right to your fantasies and the decision is yours if you want to explore those them. However, relationships should be about growth and staying. Not all relationships should lead to marriage but you have no right to impose your fantasies on your partner or threaten to go outside if they do not fulfill it.

Communicating with your partner includes letting them know what you want and if they can do it. When you ask your partner to perform a sexual act for or on you, leave it to them to decide if they want to or not but don’t blame your flirting on their indecision.



Similar Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *