A therapist session
Partner 1: It was a very beautiful relationship and one I would never forget in a long time. My friends were envious and never hid it from me. They told me how lucky I was to have a man who would show up at my workplace with gifts and take me out to fancy restaurants and hotels. Yes, it was true that he did all of these and more. He remembers all my favorite things, supports me, and motivates me. So why am we here to see a therapist? It is for one reason and one alone: his libido. We go to restaurants, and he begs for sex, in hotels, I know no rest. We talk, but we have sex more. He seems to be never tired, and I want out.
Partner 2: I love my partner very much. I don’t want to cheat on my partner, but I can’t seem to control this drive. I have tried. I feel so sad that they feel this way.
Procreation, sexual pleasure, whatever your reason is, every sexual person has sex for any of those two reasons. Sexual urges are inherent in every sexual person, sometimes in moderate amounts and other times in an increased amount. Sexual urges have other names; sex drive, libido, and hypersexuality. It is not a person’s choice. It is in their genes.
Let us do a little bit of biology. There are hormones in the body that indicates the gender one would be assigned at birth. They are Testosterone and estrogen. Both men and women have this hormone in them in differing amounts. If Testosterone is higher, the body person will have the organs of a man and be assigned male at birth. And if there is more estrogen, it is female. In certain instances, a woman could have more Testosterone than normal and may exhibit certain qualities such as growing hair along the jawline and having hairs on the chest. The woman still has the organs of a woman.
So it is with a sexual urge, otherwise called libido. Libido is influenced by
- The actions of Testosterone, dopamine other associated neurotransmitters act on the region of the brain called the Nucleus accumbens, affect a person’s libido.
- Psychological factors such as stress
- Social factors, for example, intimate relationships
Some people have low sexual urges, some are normal, and others have a high sexual urge. We should not confuse this high sexual urge for prolonged sexual performance. Prolonged sexual performance is an art to be cultivated from the diet, exercise, and knowing how to delay orgasm. There is hypo sexuality, which describes a low sex drive, and hypersexuality, which describes high sex drives.
People who experience hypersexuality or out of control sexual behavior (OCSB) feel a sort of compulsion to engage in some sexual activity. Therefore, outlined below are some signs
- You are not able to achieve satisfaction, no matter how much sex or masturbation you have.
- You are not able to get the amount or type of sex you desire.
- You are troubled or shamed by persistent fantasies.
- You regularly sacrifice work, social, or sleep time for your sexual exploits.
- You have sore genitals from excessive sex or masturbation.
- You habitually seek out unsatisfactory or risky sexual exploits.
- You feel bad that your pursuit of sexual satisfaction prevents you from having a relationship.
Your hypersexuality may have been caused by
- Puberty: if you in this stage, you are sure to experience a high sex urge.
- Neurotransmitter imbalance
- Stress, anxiety, and depression.
- Unresolved trauma, sexual or otherwise.
- Shame surrounding one’s sexual preferences, experiences, or body image.
- A lack of fulfillment and control over one’s life.
- Distorted beliefs around love, sex, and intimacy.
- A lack of self-esteem and social anxiety.
- An all or nothing approach to life which can make downtime or boredom hard to cope with.
- An inability to properly process one’s emotions.
- Feeling stuck in a relationship with someone who wants to have less sex.
You should not be ashamed of it, and remember that you are not alone. There are a lot of people going through this same thing right now. Fortunately, there is a way around it. We call them DEADS:
- Avoid: keeping away from sexual triggers
- Distract: look for another activity to engage in when the drive come
- Substitute: this is choosing an activity to engage in when the drive hits you
- Delay means just to put off reacting, using, or giving in to the craving for a bit of time and know that the urge will go away. …
- Escape means removing yourself from the situation that is triggering you
In addition, you can try the following suggestions.
- Talk about it with a therapist, your partner, a parent, or someone you trust.
- Interrupt your urges: try mental gymnastics; for example, practice your 26 times table
- Focus on something else; search your surroundings for squares or anything blue.
- Channel your energy: find a hobby, do meditation, yoga or learn a new skill
- Work on finding satisfying sex: some therapists would suggest Hook up sites, sex parties, or sex professionals, but they aren’t always sustainable solutions for people with high sex drives. They don’t always guarantee sex, let alone satisfying sex. They may also go against the person’s moral compass, lead to overspending or preclude intimacy.
- Work through relationship issues
- Take something to lower your sexual urges: Anaphrodisiacs, Antidepressants, Reversible chemical castration.